What We Should NOT Teach Black Children About Racists and Racism

I ran across this on a Facebook page and thought it was worth posting here as a lesson in what black adults, parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins should NEVER do.

February 15

Stopped to get dinner for my son and the guy behind us in the drive-thru yells to my son, “Hurry up. Fucken nigger!” When I got to the window, I asked to pay for his order. I wrote this on the back of his receipt and asked the cashier to hand it to him with his food. My son asked me why I paid for his food if he was mean, I explained that being nice to nice people is easy, you have to be nice to mean people, that’s the hardest thing to do.
The wrongheadedness of this critical “teaching moment” reminds me of a truism that I’ve repeated many times on my blog.

No one respects ANYONE who does not respect themselves.

Try to imagine someone you know–at work or socially–who is always trying to please or impress someone else who clearly does not like them.

At best, you pity them.

At worst, you despise them.

However, the one thing they will NEVER do is get your respect.

Or the respect of the person whose favor they are trying to win.

Does this black mother actually believe the white male who called her son a “nigger” is going to be changed by her gesture? Is he going to stop being a racist because of a free fast-food meal?

We must STOP TEACHING OUR CHILDREN to seek approval from ANYONE–male, female, black or non-black–who does not treat them correctly. 

Moreover, it starts with teaching them to VALIDATE THEMSELVES instead of looking to other people and material things to do it.

We have to lead by example by reducing OUR psychological dependence (due to our own low self-esteem) on luxury cars, clothes, jewelry, purses, shoes, rims, and other things that are literally bankrupting us—that have NOTHING TO DO with our value as human beings.

The sad part is, had this been another black person, say another black female who said,  “Hurry up. Fucken black bitch!”—it is highly doubtful this black mother would have offered to pay for her meal. Moreover, the comment probably would have escalated into an argument or a physical confrontation.

This reveals another glaring truth–if I am correct.

Her gesture had LESS to do with being a “Christian,” and more to do with WHITE VALIDATION—pleasing, appeasing, appealing, bowing, and begging whites to accept us, like us, and approve of us.

She is teaching her son the same fatal lesson that has led many of our black male and female youth into SETTING THEMSELVES UP TO BE ABUSED by those whites and non-whites whose validation they seek.

This abuse, too, has led to a growing epidemic of mental illness, self-hatred, drug abuse, anti-social behaviors, anti-blackness, confusion, sexual exploitation, rage, and suicide among black youth.

Moreover, it increases their rage and lack of respect toward black adults for NOT equipping them with the tools of psychological survival in an often hostile white world.

What would have been a correct response in my opinion?

To turn to her son and say, “The white man that just called you a nigger is not ignorant, he is a racist/white supremacist. He knows exactly what he is doing.”

Then she should roll up the window and drive away to put distance between herself and her son and a potentially violent racist. Moreover, once they got home safely, she would have an INFORMED conversation with her son about racism/white supremacy. –Trojam Pam, Courtesy of Racism Is White Supremacy, March 31, 2016

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